Lost
by Jalee
Summary: 1x5. Wufei figures out what's going on behind his back. Trigger Challenge 11.
1. Chapter 1

**Lost**

Trigger Challenge #11: "overprotected" angst; 1x5

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Warnings: Um... Shit job, but meh.. Whatever.

. . .

Heero was a human being, no matter what people think. He feels hunger, fatigue, and arousal. However, he was different from other humans in that he doesn't eat to feed his hunger, sleep to banish his fatigue, fuck to get rid of his arousal - until it gets to a point when these things start interfering with his work. These qualities of Heero Yuy may make others think that he's strange, but it was his nature. He may not think like other humans, and he may not feel the same way as others, but that's the way he is. He didn't indulge in luxuries, he didn't attach sentiments to things, and Wufei knew that. He really did, yet he still had to constantly remind himself.  
  
"Wufei?" came Quatre's concerned voice, bringing him back from his reverie. "Are you alright?"  
  
No, he wasn't. He wanted to scream until his insides felt raw; he wanted to tear at the injustice blanketing the world; he wanted to whimper until everything was fine. But no. Nothing's wrong.  
  
Wufei realized just then that he'd stumbled and had caught himself on the wall, somehow managing to lose track of himself as well. Quatre's concern hadn't been baseless, then.  
  
"Everything's fine," Wufei replied tersely, straightening himself. Blinking, he forced his eyes to focus and look at the blonde. "What were you saying again?"  
  
Quatre looked at him with a considering look, but Wufei deliberately turned his head away. The slight scowl on his face was enough to incite those who'd be looking to look away. Pursing his lips, Wufei passed through the security checkpoint and the two of them headed out of the Preventers HQ.  
  
"A banquet will be held next Thursday honouring the former Heero Yuy," Quatre reiterated. "I was hoping that you'd be there."  
  
Wufei scoffed at the idea of commemorating the pacifist - who had been, no doubt, a total fool - when the Heero Yuy of the present was so much more than he'd been.  
  
"I think I will be busy that night," Wufei lied politely. "Please give my regards to Miss Relena-"  
  
"Heero," Quatre interrupted, catching Wufei's eyes with a weighing stare, "told me that the two of you don't have an assignment that night."  
  
Wufei flinched mentally at the calculated mention of Heero's name. Damn that bastard Quatre.  
  
"He's going?" Wufei asked after a pause.  
  
"I assume so," the other replied, blinking. Then, suddenly, the somewhat tense atmosphere evaporated. "You should go too, if only to see the others again." He gave Wufei a hopeful look.  
  
Wufei let out a discernible grunt, but Quatre smiled, looking away to walk away from the HQ with him in companionable silence. That was a yes; he'll go.

. . .

For the next five days, Wufei mused over how he should approach his partner about the banquet. Why hadn't Heero told him that he'd talk to Quatre already? Even more so, why didn't Heero tell him that he'd already agreed to go? Even though Quatre hadn't confirmed it outright, he'd sounded pretty confident when he'd told Wufei. So why did he find out from Quatre, and not his partner himself?  
  
Wufei felt a uncomfortable twinge in his abdomen and actually shifted. Heero caught the movement and turned to regard him with a questioning gaze.  
  
"Are the painkillers wearing off?" he murmured almost inaudibly, with a glance at Wufei's midriff. "We'll be heading back soon."  
  
Wufei hesitated from answering, looking away to collect his thoughts. Something caught his eyes, though, and he moved to alert his partner.  
  
Heero was already clipping on the tracker.  
  
"Connect to the receiver," Heero ordered unnecessarily. "I'm heading out."  
  
Wufei opened his mouth to protest about his nearly nonexistent computer skills, but Heero was already gone. Gritting his teeth, he flipped open the laptop and started tapping furiously at the keys. Heero will reach the target in ten seconds or less. The connection will need to be established between the time Heero turns the transmitter on to the time the target leaves in approximately thirty seconds, giving him twenty seconds. Concentrate on this for now; worry later.

. . .

"Heero?" Wufei spoke up.  
  
Heero grunted.  
  
"Are you- ugh," Wufei paused when Heero's fingers brushed over an open wound, "going to the banquet on Thursday?"  
  
Heero tensed for a moment, causing Wufei to wince at the sudden tightening of the bandages. Heero, seeing that, relaxed his fingers and ran his fingers over the spot apologetically.  
  
"No," he replied brusquely, continuing with the wrapping. "Busy."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Wufei forced his fingers to release the edge of the chair. If Heero didn't want to volunteer the information, then he shouldn't insist. Besides, he'd rather not bring up the topic of Quatre lest he start thinking too much about things again. He did that too often, really.  
  
"Well," Heero announced as he stood up, "at least the painkillers did their job. You're witless."  
  
"I know," Wufei replied, swaying slightly as he stood up. Heero took his arm and guided him towards the stairs.  
  
"You're angry with me?" Wufei hazarded as his mind processed the slightly bitter tone in the other's voice.  
  
"A little," his partner replied. "You endangered yourself."  
  
"You needed time," Wufei retorted, falling against Heero's strong frame as he stumbled on the third step.  
  
They paused.  
  
Wufei heard Heero mutter something under his breath, but he couldn't quite catch it. His eyes started going unfocused of their own volition, and then he felt the unusual sensation of his legs being lifted from under him.  
  
"I can walk," he murmured against Heero's chest.  
  
Heero didn't answer - but that was okay. It was easier this way. That's what Wufei told himself anyway as he closed his eyes and relaxed totally against Heero's warm body. It was okay this way.

. . .

"Don't harm your body any further," Heero warned him just before he left.  
  
That was twelve hours ago, in the middle of the night when Wufei was too drugged to see him off properly. He was also too drugged to demand of Heero why whatever that was going to keep him busy started in the middle of the night.  
  
Now, it was in the middle of the afternoon, and he was sitting in the grand limousine that Quatre had sent to pick him up. Duo sat across from him, grinning as he recounted his latest exploit.  
  
"His Highness the bitchiness asked me to pick you up," Duo'd said when he'd answer the door. After that, Wufei just followed him out the door and into the car without a single word. However, now that he thought about it, why hadn't Duo been expecting Heero? Surely Quatre didn't know that Heero was gone... did he?  
  
"He threw a hissy fit after I returned from that mission." Duo snickered as he continued on with his story. "He was ranting about every single damn thing, saying that the world was made of idiots and whatnot. I disagreed - I'm just stupid, not an idiot. He threw me out just like that. Like, what the hell?"  
  
Apparently, however, Duo found this endlessly amusing, and beamed across the car to Wufei. The latter, however, was having a hard time focusing on Duo's words. His head felt muggy, and he was having trouble breathing.  
  
"Hey, you alright?" Duo asked in a worried tone.  
  
Wufei blinked the fog out of his eyes.  
  
"Ugh, yeah," he replied, unconsciously touching his wrappings.  
  
"Take it easy," Duo murmured, moving forward to gently remove Wufei's hand from his wrappings. "We'll be there in a little bit, so just relax, okay?"  
  
Wufei blinked again, then turned his head towards the rear window. For some reason, he wanted to go back...

. . .

It wasn't until halfway through a shower that Wufei finally realized something that had been nudging at him all this time. They'd all known all this time where Heero was.  
  
Wufei leaned his forearms against the wall of the shower and let the water beat at his back. His mind recalled fragments of information that he'd picked up all the way through dinner and the dance. None of them had asked about Heero. In fact, nobody mentioned anything concerning the Preventers at all, when they were all at least indirectly connected the organization. Added to that the fact that the recent uprisings have caused a lot of gossip, it was downright strange that nobody said anything at all about the Preventers. It almost seemed as if...  
  
No. Wufei was confused; he'd taken too much drugs to make logical decisions, and-  
  
Drugs...  
  
_Fucker._

. . .

As soon as he heard the footsteps, Wufei was up on his feet and charging towards the door.  
  
It banged open.  
  
Wufei was against the hallway wall, an arm digging painfully into his neck.  
  
"Wufei-" Heero's eyes registered alarm for a second before he pulled away quickly. "Why are you-"  
  
Now he was the one pinned.  
  
"What?" Wufei seethed, his grip tight enough to choke. "You'd expected me to be half-stoned and docile in Quatre's care? Well, unfortunately for you, I do _not_ appreciate being drugged!"  
  
He yanked Heero to slam him into the wall again, but suddenly, his hands were pulled away in an iron grip.  
  
"Wufei, act rationally-"  
  
"I _am_ fucking rational!" Wufei tore his hands away, his expression hurt. "What do you think I am? A pet that needs to be taken care of? Fuck, if you so wanted to go on a mission on your own, you could've just told me!"  
  
Heero's eyes widened, then he took a step towards his partner.  
  
"It wasn't like that-"  
  
"Wasn't it, though?" Wufei snarled. "I was wounded. You decided to put me down with drugs so that I wouldn't be in the way when you went off to do whatever the fuck you wanted to do. You even had my friends conspiring behind my back to guard me from coming to. Do you think I'm stupid?!"  
  
Heero reached towards him, but he slapped his hands away.  
  
"I don't need your excuses," he seethed. "Just tell me the truth for once. Were they all in on it?"  
  
Heero opened his mouth speechlessly.  
  
"I see," Wufei concluded, swallowing thickly. "So that's how it is."  
  
Gathering all his strength, he shoved Heero away from him and turned in one motion, sprinting out of the house, and away.

The End?


	2. Chapter 2

**Lost**

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Warnings: Ugh. Not much for this chapter.

A/N: To the reviewer who mentioned Maldorer's 'The Arrangement':

Yes, her fic has had major impact on the way I view Heero and Wufei's relationship, and this fic may even be heavily influenced by her, but I don't intend to copy her in any way. I think that the idea of Wufei running away to escape from Heero because of a misunderstanding (as Maldoror had written) is very interesting and worth further consideration by fellow authors, so this is merely my take on the possibilities. I apologize to those who feel that I have plagiarised by centering my fic around the mentioned idea (especially Maldoror, who I fully worship as the Goddess of 1x5), but I feel that this fic is uniquely mine and shouldn't be considered as a parallel story to 'The Arrangement'.

Anyhow, on with the fic!

* * *

Heero stood for a minute, stunned. Slowly, his brain registered the slight ache in his chest, and he reached up, massaging it vaguely.

His cell phone rang.

Heero snatched it from his belt and flipped it open.

"Oh my God I'm so fucking sorry, Heero, I don't know how it happened and I swear I was watching him but God-"

"Duo," Heero interrupted. "Shut up."

Duo's anxious barrage of words halted, and Heero took the opportunity to finally think. Inhaling deeply, he pursed his lips and automatically moved to shut the front door.

"Are the others with you?" he asked after a few moments, turning around to see what could be of use.

"Quatre is," Duo responded, sounding somewhat subdued. His voice had the echo of a tremor, though. "He's yelling right now."

Heero heard Quatre's voice grow in volume.

"Tell him to calm down and to call Trowa," Heero said briskly as he moved towards his living room. "We might be able to catch up with him before he leaves the country."

Duo didn't question him and repeated the instructions to Quatre, though he himself sounded strained.

"Do you want us to contact the others?" he asked as a precaution.

"No," Heero answered quickly, finding and shoving his tracker into a pocket. "They would only make him feel even more cornered. There's a chance that we could still find him without alerting anyone else."

"God, Heero," Duo breathed. "He could be anywhere by now."

"Did he leave his cell phone there?" Heero continued, ignoring Duo's worried words.

"He left everything."

Heero couldn't help but glower at what that implied. He stalked back to the hallway and grabbed Wufei's keys from the stand.

"Fine. Hack into all the local airports and train stations," he ordered as he left the house. "We need all sells records and security camera recordings. Tell me if you find anything."

"Wait," Duo cut in. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to follow him," Heero muttered, climbing onto Wufei's motorcycle. "He doesn't understand. I need to explain to him why."

* * *

Wufei was on a train heading north. He didn't know where he was going, even less why north, but it seemed as good a direction as any other. Of course, taking a train was a stupid idea in any case; it would make his escape route too easy to track, especially with Heero's skills.

Wufei wondered vaguely whether he really wanted to disappear or not. Maybe his subconscious actually wanted Heero to find him and to take him home, but since he was still feeling slightly drugged, he couldn't be sure. After his initial adrenaline rush, he'd felt tired... almost empty. Perhaps he was in shock. That would explain why he felt that time had been suspended, and that he was stuck in a horrible hallucination where nothing ended and nothing started, yet everything was happening too quickly for him to figure out. He didn't know what to think, to feel, to... do.

His back-up communication device beeped; Wufei jumped.

He moved to snatch it up from his duffel bag, but hesitated. What if it was Heero? He didn't want to be found.

"Wufei?" It was Trowa. His voice was soft enough to not be heard easily. "Wufei, if you hear me, please answer."

Trowa; he hadn't been at the banquet. Wufei still needed to ask, though. Shivering slightly, he quickly pulled the communicator from his bag.

"Were you part of it too?" Wufei demanded as he connected with the incoming signal.

Trowa paused.

"No, I didn't find out until Quatre called me," he replied calmly. "I couldn't go."

Wufei's eyes narrowed.

"Are you help-?"

"No." Trowa's answer was simple. The truth.

Wufei leaned back against the seat and sighed wearily as he closed his eyes.

"I won't make his excuses for him," Trowa continued slowly a minute later, "but please don't run too far or long. Being apart hurts." Wufei understood that it didn't include just him and Heero.

Inhaling deeply, he brought the communicator to his lips again.

"So many things have happened," he muttered, putting a hand on his stomach as it turned nauseatingly. "I'm not sure of the future anymore. I don't even understand the hopes I had anymore."

Trowa didn't reply right away, but Wufei knew he understood as well.

"Do you remember what Duo said, though?" Trowa spoke up a moment later.

Wufei winced at the mention of that name.

"'Like gum from the bottom of a running shoe,'" he quoted from memory, scoffing even as he felt his throat tighten. "'Even Heero's inhuman strength can't pull us apart.' Then again, Duo had always been optimistic." Wufei flinched physically as both names passed his lips.

"You will come back to us eventually." There was no uncertainty in Trowa's voice.

"Yeah," Wufei replied softly. "I will."

The other paused again.

"I can't promise you that I won't tell Heero," he said.

"Understood," Wufei replied tiredly. He wouldn't want any of them to be caught in a web of lies either. "Just... give me some time."

"All you have to do is ask, friend."

Wufei blinked and tilted his head up. His vision swam as a white fog misted his eyes.

"I know."

* * *

"You what?!" Duo's disbelief was enough to banish his anxiety for the time being.

"He's well," Trowa added, for Heero's benefit. "He's slowly coming out from the drugs."

Heero clenched his teeth, but didn't reply. Keeping his eyes on the road ahead, he let them bicker it out.

"Trowa, where is he?" Quatre demanded as he, too, connected to the line.

"I don't know."

"You didn't ask?" Duo spat.

"I won't betray a friend," Trowa returned heatedly. There was a pause as he gathered himself. "No matter what your values are."

For a moment, everyone was silent, each lamenting.

"Heero," Trowa continued quietly a while later. "It's important to give him some time, but he's going to break. You have to find him soon."

'I know,' Heero thought to himself, grimacing. It suddenly hit him how much effort the other ex-pilots were putting into helping him. They really didn't have to do this; this was his screw-up, and he knew it. However, having them there helped to ease his agitation. He silently reminded himself to thank them later - after he found Wufei.

"And now he's stuck between a rock and a hard place," Duo muttered wryly in response. The connection swam as Duo moved around. "I'm tracing Trowa's line now," he continued distractedly, and they could hear quick typing. "Got it! Thank you, Trowa! TR Train, heading north."

Heero abruptly lowered his hand to grab the handlebar and made a sharp right.

"Damn," Duo swore. "The train's already left."

"Name the scheduled stops," Heero ordered; his voice sounded harsher than he'd intended. He pressed his lips shut and scowled.

Duo listed them off quickly.

"Wait," Quatre cut in. "Lycetania? Isn't that-?"

"Yeah," Duo answered, sounding elated now. "It's worth a try."

"Would she hold him for us if we asked?" Quatre spoke up, needing reassurance.

"Her?" Duo's voice was incredulous. "You can just forget that idea. There's no use calling. You going, Heero?"

"Heading off," Heero responded.

"Don't screw up anymore," Trowa warned, speaking up before Heero could disconnect.

"That's not fair, and you know," Quatre objected darkly.

"You know what you have to do," Trowa continued, ignoring the other's comment. "I know I have no grounds to interfere, but bring him back."

"Same here," Duo added ruefully. "I need to tell him sorry. We all do."

* * *

Dorothy didn't seem at all surprised when Wufei arrived at her door.

"Come in and close the door behind you," she muttered crossly, wrapping her shawl tightly around herself. "It's hell out there."

Wufei did as she told and followed automatically as she led him to the kitchen. He pulled out a chair and sat down when she gestured at him to do so.

"The maids are all asleep," she continued, sounding distractedly sleepy. "You can only have tea and biscuits."

Blinking repeatedly, Dorothy padded around her dark kitchen in search of the hidden food. Eventually, she found the biscuits, but not the tea leaves. She finally made an irritated sound as she returned to her guest.

"Forget it," she muttered in exasperation, pushing a jar of cookies towards Wufei and moving to get a cup of milk. "Tea keeps you up anyway."

He obediently started eating - he hadn't yet asked for food, had he? - though his mind felt incapable of allowing him to function properly. But he managed to go through the steps - bite, chew, swallow, there you go. At times, the fragments got stuck in his throat and he had to choke it down with milk.

After forcing himself to eat half a dozen of the nauseatingly sweet treats, he couldn't continue.

"I'm assuming you need somewhere to sleep," Dorothy murmured, her chin leaning against her open palm. "If your silence is any indication, you're exhausted enough to fall asleep in your chair." Her gaze moved over him unhurriedly, taking the opportunity to finally perform a visual check.

Wufei turned to look at her, but his eyes couldn't focus.

Dorothy seemed to suddenly snap to attention as her eyes flashed to his.

"You-"

"It's wearing off," Wufei interrupted. "Nothing serious."

Dorothy's gaze now scrutinized him carefully.

"It's the thirteenth, and don't you dare ask me to count fingers." Wufei scowled lightly, narrowing his eyes to focus on her face.

Dorothy scoffed and leaned back in her chair, her shoulders relaxing slightly as she accepted this. His retort was satisfactory, then.

"At least your grouchiness hasn't deserted you," she murmured, raising a corner of her lips.

Wufei felt his ribs constrict at that unwanted reminder. His hand hovered over his bandages, but he suppressed the urge to touch it.

Dorothy's eyes drifted down.

"Fresh?"

"Healing," Wufei responded curtly, looking away.

"I'm not the kind to pry," Dorothy finally snapped at him, sounding offended. "I'm merely concerned."

Wufei tore his eyes from the tabletop and met hers for a moment.

"I know," he muttered despondently, though his eyes tried to convey to her all that he felt.

Dorothy shook her head in resignation.

"Forget it," she muttered, her voice veiled. "Just... come."

Feeling all the more tired, Wufei followed her as she led him to a guest room... and to sleep, an escape.

(To Be Continued)


	3. Chapter 3

**Lost**

Disclaimer: GW doesn't belong to me.

Warnings: overly antsy?

A/N: Thanks to all the reviewers for encouraging me! I apologize for the lack of updates, but meh. Shit happens.

* * *

Wufei woke up screaming.

No, he wasn't screaming; he was only screaming in his dream. Wufei'd woken up alarmed and incredibly tense, but no, he hadn't screamed.

Eyes wide, Wufei stared at the ceiling and counted his heartbeat. There it was! A little jump. It really was going too fast, it wasn't normal, it was going to burst-

Breathe.

Slowly, his chest stopped quivering. Wufei allowed his eyes to focus back on the darkness above him. He realized at the same time that the moisture on his face might not only be sweat, but he didn't want to think about what it could be. Really, if he didn't think about it, it wouldn't bother him; if he didn't think about it, it wouldn't have to exist in his mind, so everything will be okay again...

Liar!

Wufei clamped down on his lower lip and rolled over to hide his hands under the pillow. They wouldn't shake if he could just sleep without being jerked awake every few hours. He hadn't had proper sleep in days, and the little that he did have was drug-induced. It was not even 5 AM; he needed to go back to sleep.

It was hard though. Closing his eyes just brought the images closer to him, ready to blind him even as he tried to rip himself away. They hovered at the edge of his subconscious, threatening to attack his mind if he ever let his guard down. He couldn't let it affect him - he refused to! - but it came back to him incessantly, unwilling to go away. It was going to stay with him, he knew it, and no matter how much he runs, it'd come back, again and again.

Wufei clenched his jaws and sat up quickly. Slipping out of bed, he moved intently to the vanity and yanked on his clothes. None of this mattered. He had to leave. He could feel him getting near. He could feel the horror of the dream-reality drifting near. If he saw him again, or remembered it again, he'd just break.

All he needed to do was get out of here. There was no reason to panic - Dorothy would help him. All he needed to do was ask - it was that simple.

As he crossed the room to the door, Wufei stumbled to a stop. What did he think he was he doing? Think! This was his problem to solve. Even if it was more difficult to leave unnoticed, he couldn't involve Dorothy more than he already has. He had to - he will - do it by himself.

Wufei shook his head forcibly and sank down to a crouch on the floor. He leaned against the side of the bed and closed his eyes, feeling his mind cloud over painfully. What was wrong with him? A little drug has reduced him to a useless pile of doubt and self-pity. Certainly Chang Wufei had never been this weak...

But Heero thought he was weak, didn't he? Otherwise, why would he have slipped it to him? Wufei'd always believed that they were equals - there was no reason not to - and even Heero never acted like Wufei hindered him during missions, like he was incompetent. He thought he was helping... So why had he been left behind?

The answer didn't come to him. And suddenly, Wufei was furious with himself. He raked his fingers through his unbound hair and pushed himself to his feet. He couldn't stay here wallowing in self-doubt. If he didn't do what he needed to do, then he'd never do it - and right now, he needed to leave.

Grabbing his duffel bag, Wufei kept his eyes firmly on the bedroom door and stalked towards it. He was done here. The only way to go now was forward.

* * *

Heero was a mile from his destination when his communicator beeped again. Cracking his neck stiffly, he peeled his fingers from the handlebar and answered it.

"Yuy."

"Agent Yuy, we need you to get to Malbor immediately. Intelligence has just detected a terrorist movement. The other agents are on their way." It was Une.

Heero cursed to himself. Of all times...

"Understood," he replied tersely. "Heading back now."

Glancing at the surrounding lanes, Heero accelerated and made a sudden U-turn.

"Heero," Une spoke up slowly a moment later. "I'm sorry for pulling you back."

So, she knew. Heero scowled at the road ahead.

"It can't be helped," he muttered.

Une was silent again.

"Let's just say that, if anything happens, I know I'm the one to blame."

"No," Heero responded firmly. "This doesn't concern you." You didn't push Wufei to run away. That thought caused him a mental flinch.

Une chuckled slightly.

"Glad to know that you haven't lost your edge, but I think we both understand where we stand. Now, I must leave to argue politics. Good luck." She didn't add 'in both situations'. How delicate of her...

Heero grunted and disconnected. The missions have precedence over everything else - concentrate.

And so what if all his instincts told him to find his partner and take him back home? There wasn't any sense in that. After all, Wufei was undoubtedly angry and pissed enough to kick his ass out to space, never mind the fact that he wouldn't stick around long enough for Heero to find him anyway. He'd always been one to value his privacy...

Besides, his work for the Preventers always was top priority, no matter what the situation. And Wufei knew that. Be it a bullet in the leg, he'd always said, or a broken arm, Heero Yuy could always be depended upon to complete a mission. So, no, this wasn't a big deal. This was his job, and he would damn well do it.

And so the inner twinge was ignored, and everything else was pushed to the back of his consciousness because, really, who was he kidding anyway...

* * *

As Wufei wandered through the halls of Dorothy's mansion, he found himself walking closer and closer towards Dorothy's room. But of course he knew that it was not a good idea to wake her up. He'd already waken her once this night. Once was bad enough; twice would be just asking to get hurt, and Dorothy was not the kind to be merciful.

He'd always been taught to be polite. Since a very young age, Wufei had been taught to be obedient, to respect his elders, to not bring dishonour to his family; really, he had been following these rules well until the last few years. He shouldn't have forgotten everything already. Besides, he'd learnt while working for the Preventers to have enough diplomacy to cover both his and Heero's asses in all situations.

So, now, why was he going to Dorothy's room? Did he need the comfort of knowing that someone will be affected by his absence? Was he that weak? Or did he not feel up to it anymore? And yet, all these questions still did not stop him from stopping a foot away from Dorothy's door.

Glaring darkly at his own indecision, Wufei clenched his fists. He knew why he was here. What he wanted was to crawl to Dorothy for help, wasn't it? Pathetic. Knowing what to do, yet not doing it. Insolent. Who was he kidding? If he wanted to prove that Heero wasn't completely right about him, he had to do it now.

Wufei turned to leave.

"Slipping out already?" came a calm voice from behind the door.

Wufei paused.

"How shameful - without even saying goodbye. Then again, it is your choice to leave or to stay."

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. Dorothy really liked giving people mind-trips.

"But I'm awake already. You might as well come in."

Wufei fought against his inner thoughts. Finally being unable to decide between his two options, he turned towards the door, found it unlocked, and pushed in slowly. Looking up, he noted Dorothy's form illuminated in the glow of the moon. She didn't turn to him once as he moved to sit opposite her at the small table. Letting him have time to calm his inner turmoil, she eventually turned to him to hear what he had to say.

"Thank you for your hospitality," Wufei said tightly. "I apologize for inconveniencing you-"

"No need for the formality," Dorothy interrupted with a gesture. "We're not strangers." Her eyes discreetly moved over him for a visual check-up - he hated when people do it.

"That still doesn't mean that I don't owe you some explanations," Wufei replied with a soft shake of his head. Explanations, explanations ¡V damn this explanations!

Dorothy crossed her arms, leaning back to scrutinize his face.

"I need no reasons to help my friends." Her words were deliberate - an offering of peace?

"And a gift given with no thanks returned is the habit of an untaught child," Wufei muttered, thinking about home - no, no more of that. He looked up tiredly. "You offered me food, silence, and shelter. There is nothing I could give you in my current... state. In exchange, take three answers."

Concern must have been keeping her awake all night, and Wufei really couldn't let her worry over him for no reason.

Dorothy leaned back in her chair and frowned at him. Apparently, she didn't agree with him on that point. Turning her head, she stared out the windows for a moment, thinking.

"Why have you come?" she finally asked.

Wufei looked down, having expected that.

"I am running from someone."

Dorothy tensed, but she bit her lip to stop her next question.

"Hostile?" she ventured slowly.

Wufei shook his head - no.

Dorothy stared blankly at him before looking away as well.

"I'd hate to think of what that implies," she murmured, almost as if to herself.

Wufei sighed and shifted so that he was leaning his forearms against his knees.

"Don't concern yourself overly with this," he advised, knowing she wouldn't listen in any case.

She looked towards him, expression half amused, half hidden.

"Third question," she announced. Wufei tensed, expecting her to ask him a question he wouldn't want to answer... "How can I help?"

Wufei blinked, and then scoffed at his subconscious response to this offer.

"Don't be daft," he responded firmly, though his own mind was fighting his words. "I couldn't possibly ask for more from you."

"As friends," she said in a low voice, "let me help you."

Friends. At the mention of that, Wufei's mind flew back to those that he'd left behind, those with whom he'd fought side-by-side, those who'd helped Heero to-

The images in his dream hit him again. Heero, mouth agape, eyes swirling in confusion, and maybe in-

No.

and the hands that had reached for him, the ones that he'd slapped away even as he yearned to grasp them-

It was his fault in the end, wasn't it?

all because he was weak! He was weak, dammit, and if he didn't get through this on his own, he'd never be able to hold his head up again!

"I have not fallen so far that I have become dependant on others," Wufei answered darkly, pushing back his thoughts with steely strength comparable even to that of Heero's. "So, in answer to your question, no, there isn't a way for you to help me. Just forget it." He sounded like he was begging - why was he begging?

She stared at him.

"Seriously, forget it," he told her in compressed agitation. He really needed to get away from here...

"Something's wrong, and I can tell," Dorothy almost snapped, having lost her patience. "Don't push others away when you need help the most!"

Wufei nearly growled.

"What do you want me to do?" he demanded in agitation. "I caused this problem - it's my own duty to resolve it. How- How can I justify my actions if I depend entirely on others to clean up my messes?"

"What is there to justify?" Dorothy retorted, looking dangerously annoyed. "Life is full of mistakes; there's nothing graceful about it. We can only hope to get through it the best way we can, and if we get help on the way, so much the better. So get off your high horse and accept what I'm offering you."

Wufei looked up and saw that Dorothy's eyes were almost sad. But he couldn't bring himself to say it - he can¡¦t say it!

After a minute, Dorothy got up wordlessly and moved to her vanity. Opening a drawer, she withdrew something from it before returning to her seat. She sat down and slid it towards Wufei.

Wufei eyed it in distaste - he couldn't break down now, he really really couldn't - and snorted softly.

"If you are planning on offering me one of your many summer estates, you would benefit from knowing that I would refuse it."

Dorothy didn't take the bait.

"We all need a place to go home to," she muttered, eying him solemnly. Part of him cracked, and Wufei was forced to look away. "Take this as a reminder that, wherever you are, there will always be people waiting for your return to home."

Wufei bit his lip. He was going to crack, he was going to break, he was going to spill, but he didn't want to, dammit! But it was hard. It was really hard. And he was so very tired, and staying here forever would be a dream come true.

"If, one day, all the problems in your life disappeared, what would you do?" he asked her suddenly.

Dorothy blinked, taken aback. She reclined in her chair and smirked lightly to herself.

"I would ask myself what drug was slipped into my drink."

Wufei snorted mirthlessly at this. Dorothy gave him a slight smile in return.

"Obviously, nothing in life is that easy," she muttered, tapping the arm of her chair lightly, "but who wouldn't want an easier route in their journey? Accepting defeat may be hard, but losing everything would be much worse."

Of course, Wufei didn't need Dorothy to tell him that. Biting the inside of his cheek, he took the key and shoved it into a pocket.

"Thank you," he said gruffly.

"I'm not doing much," she responded with a snort, though her expression showed her relief. "In fact, I might not be helping the situation at all. Letting you run away - that's inexcusable as well."

"I don't understand how it came to this either," Wufei admitted quietly, feeling a wrenching in his stomach. "Perhaps this is for the best, or perhaps I'm taking the coward's way out. Perhaps in the end, I'll just go right back to where I started. All I know is that... I can't face it right now."

He looked away, ashamed.

Dorothy was silent for a while, thinking.

"As a friend," she started slowly, "I'll support you in all your decisions-"

"That is enough," Wufei intercepted. Really, it was.

She gave him a crooked smile before scoffing and standing up. Pulling her robe closer to her body, turned away from him and shuffled towards her bed.

"Alright, then," she said dismissively. "Now get out of here and leave me to my beauty sleep."

Raising an eyebrow at her abrupt change of attitude, Wufei pushed himself up with a small smile and saluted minutely at her turned back. He gripped the key in his pocket as he moved to the door, feeling it anchoring him.

"Wufei," Dorothy called in afterthought. He turned his head. "Good luck."

He rolled his eyes and left, closing the door.

(To Be Continued)


	4. Chapter 4

**Lost**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for part of the plot.

A/N: After a long absence, I am back with more fic. Enjoy, all. :)

* * *

"Agen... there? Come... hear... me?"

A trickle of recognition at the back of his mind, as well as a sense of solemnity, led Heero to pull out his communicator and to yank on his headset. Playing with the dials, he finally tapped directly into the line.

"Winner?" he asked, brows furrowed. "Status."

Having Une personally call him to duty was enough reason for him to feel agitated about this mission; having all the other pilots involved just made it seem even more serious. Heero started preparing himself for the worst.

"I've been asked to coordinate this mission," Quatre replied, a hint of apology in his voice. "I can not give any details for the time being, but be assured that we'll be in contact later."

The line has not been secured, Heero picked up automatically from his unspoken words. Quatre wouldn't - couldn't - tell him anything until he could guarantee them a safe line. That was usual procedure, but Heero still felt frustrated by the lack of information that he was receiving. Berating himself internally, he sped up on the near-empty highway.

"Once you reach the city, your correspondent will be Agent Cobalt," Quatre continued. "Her team is waiting at the usual spot."

He was being really careful. Heero felt a further rush of adrenaline flood his body, which only served to heighten his agitation. He wanted to know what was happening, and what was important enough to call one of the best specialist teams into play. It was highly possible that all the other ex-pilots were involved in this mission as well. It would surprise him, but the information he was getting seemed to reflect a situation that would call for it. Again, Heero couldn't ask Quatre and expect an answer. He cursed having left his equipment at the house.

"Acknowledged," Heero replied tersely. "I'll contact you once I reach my destination."

He finally disconnected from Quatre with a frustrated grunt, shoving the communicator back into his pocket. Tightening his hold on the grips, Heero sped up as much as possible to arrive there soon and to get it over with. He was going to be working with a renowned specialist team - he really should be glad about that. But he couldn't get out of his mind the thought that he'd much rather work with his long-accustomed partner, and would have if not for the fact that he'd screwed up royally. So, really, he had no room to complain.

Scowling, Heero banished that thought into the deepest part of his mind. There was no room in this mission for him to start thinking about irrelevant things.

...But of course, his mind had always been a traitor to him, and the unsettling feeling of being unbalanced wouldn't leave him no matter how hard he tried.

* * *

The damned communicator blinked at him again from its spot haphazardly chosen in Wufei's duffel bag. For a moment, Wufei considered tossing it out the window. He then decided that it would cause him too much trouble and that the window was too far away in any case.

"Agent Chang."

Feeling a sickly feeling at the base of his abdomen, Wufei grabbed the small device and connected.

"Commander Noin," he acknowledged, hoping that his voice didn't sound as agitated as he felt.

"I am contacting you to confirm your request for temporary leave sent in by Agent Yuy," she proceeded in an utterly formal voice.

Wufei was speechless. Temporary leave...?

"The request has been permitted, but the length of term has yet to be decided. The bureau will contact you with further details at a later time, so please remain accessible."

Wufei's mind raced as it searched for appropriate words to answer to this. 'What the fuck' was probably not a good idea, but he really didn't care at the moment. When the fuck did Wufei ever say to Heero that he needed some time off-duty? Why the fuck would Heero do this without even asking him first?

"I... I don't-" Wufei floundered, feeling flustered.

"Your injuries have been taken into consideration, but it is not possible at the moment to grant complete leave to any agent," Noin continued as if not having heard him. "Please be advised that you may be called into action depending on the situation."

Wufei felt his confusion and frustration grow as Noin carried on in that utterly detached voice. Was his opinion not important at all in this matter? Had Heero grown to distrust him so much that he was making his decisions for him now? Or did Heero think that he had the right to screw around Wufei's life, just like what he had done a few days ago? All this only served to make Wufei even more furious than he already was.

"Commander Noin, is it possible to speak directly with the chief commander?"

Demanding an answer from Noin would be useless. Wufei needed to talk with either Une or Heero if he wanted to do something about this request, and - right now - he really did not want to see Heero's face.

"Unfortunately, that is not possible right now due to some urgent business that the chief commander must attend to. However, she may contact you personally at a later time."

Wufei felt like cursing at the injustice of the world.

"Until later," Noin said, already dismissing him, "Agent Wufei Chang."

Wufei's brain halted and his body jerked backwards as if physically restraining him from reacting. This was wrong; this was so wrong, and he had no idea why it took him this long to see it. Thank God he'd snapped out of his daze before making a fool out of himself. Noin never called agents by their full names, especially those with whom she had a relation that was a more-than-acquaintance sort of thing. If that hadn't been a big enough hint to make him realize, then seeing Wing Zero tap dance on Mars would probably not knock any sense into him either.

Sitting back, Wufei forced himself to shut up and think rationally. Of course, if he'd been in his original condition, he would never have gotten this distracted. In any case, now was the opportunity to regain his senses and use his analytical skills to solve this secret that was eluding him.

Heero requesting for his leave was a big enough clue. His partner wasn't someone who'd suddenly do something stupid like that, especially knowing that Wufei would kick his ass for it. Besides, at a time like this when the baddies seem to be more active than ever, Une would be crazy to permit a request for an undetermined length of leave. Noin had even said it herself; Une was constantly occupied with urgent business, so she needed all her agents at headquarters.

But how does it connect to Noin's call? Her call hadn't merely been a confirmation call; she had some other message, one that Wufei really didn't get at the moment. He bit his inside cheek, furrowing his brows to think about it. His "request" had been granted, so now he had the opportunity to leave the city for a while. The stipulation was clear though: he could be called back at any time, so he had to remain accessible. Those were the blanks; all he needed were the answers to fill them in.

And then it clicked. Wufei wondered whether the drugs he'd taken had really screwed up his brain. He had to remain accessible because they will call him to duty any time now. They needed him to go on to the outside so that he could do a one-eighty and attack when shit hits the fan. And, of course, all this was done in secrecy and in code. What the hell was happening in the places surrounding the city so that Une had to be this careful? Then again, what was happening in the place that he'd just left?

As Wufei turned his head towards the train window, he decided that perhaps he didn't want to know after all. Indeed, it was making him so very tired of it all. At moments like these, it was only his self-condescension that kept him going through his missions. Even if he was leaving his personal life - hah! - behind, he still had his duty to perform, which he could not abandon. It was he who had pledged himself to fight for the people, and that is what he will do, even if he was shattered in the process.

At times like these when life did not seem to hold any meaning other than his responsibility to fulfill his duty, Wufei felt utterly bitter about the world. He understood that, in reality, that was all there was to his existence. That was the reason why he'd always tried to stay as sharply honed as possible, so that he can revel in the meaning of his life. He will continue to work towards upgrading his skills so that he could satisfy his need for control over his fate. And Heero helped. Having his partner there, displaying his perfection, was one way that Wufei used to set goals for himself. With Heero there, Wufei felt safe in the knowledge that there's more to life, that there's something higher and better, that maybe he could possibly reach that perfection one day.

But this time, Heero disappointed him; Heero had hurt him. Wufei had trusted him to be his foundation stone, and he'd turned and let Wufei fall. No, it was more like Heero had let him lean against him initially for support, but then went ahead and enveloped him entirely. What Heero had done had crushed through the layers of confidence that Wufei'd raised up around him. It caused him to second guess himself and doubt everything that he was. Heero had decided that Wufei couldn't take care of himself properly. Was he right? Was that what it meant to be partners? To have this suffocating air? To give up all of one's control to the other?

The sky was bright, contrasting heavily with his dark mood. Wufei felt stranded on a road that he did not know. Behind him was familiarity, but there was also deception and pain. In front of him was a fog that felt impenetrable. If he took a step in, would he automatically know the way? Or will the storm toss him into a whirlwind over which he had no control?

* * *

Upon reaching Malbor, Heero realized two things: first, that he would probably be prohibited from killing anyone; and secondly, that joining Cobalt's team sort of reinforced that.

Agent Maria Cobalt's team specialised in recovery, which included the recovery of information, items, and people. In this case, it could mean all three things and, until he could contact Quatre once more, Heero couldn't be sure which of the three he had been assigned to. Of course, he probably wouldn't be expected to be hand over absolute control to Cobalt; just because he was a Preventer now didn't mean that he was any less edgy than before. Having his actions determined by another would mean problems for both parties - Quatre knew that from personal experience.

Heero stopped his motorcycle a fair distance away from the preordained rendezvous point. He wasn't sure whether the agent positioned behind the crumbling wall recognized him or not, but he'd rather not take the risk. Being shot and downed even before the mission started would have Wufei laughing at him for months.

It took a several minutes, but the agent finally confirmed his identity and revealed himself to Heero. After a curt greeting, he was led to a run-down warehouse that was identical to the many ones around it. Une was nothing if not thorough; she'd established a system of prearranged meeting places that were changed every so often to avoid being caught in a compromised location. It was ingenious, even if Heero thought that it was a waste of resources to arrange a rendezvous point at every city that was bigger than a hole in the ground.

"Agent Yuy," Cobalt acknowledged him with a nod.

Heero returned the gesture as his eyes ghosted over the operations inside the warehouse. There was an agent working quickly at setting up a grid on a computer that was connected to several other devices. Blueprints had been spread over the large metal table in the middle of the room, and a few other agents were hovering over it. It seemed that Une hadn't been reserved when planning the budget; this team had some of the best equipment that the ministry could afford.

"Have you made contact with Agent Winner?" Heero asked, turning back to Cobalt.

She nodded wordlessly and handed a light, compact communicator to him. The cord attached to it led to the computer system, so Heero assumed that it had been secured beforehand.

"Winner?" he spoke into it. "Come in."

"Heero!" came an animated reply. "Une wants us to disarm bombs - bombs, for Pete's sake! Why the fuck do we have bomb squads then? We should just go and shoot-"

"Shut up, Maxwell," Heero replied, feeling a sense of deja vu. He blinked his eyes tiredly, though he refused to let any other hint of fatigue show. "Winner, come in," he repeated with a light frown.

"Sorry about that," Quatre finally said, his voice sounding slightly disjointed. After a few flashes of static noise, the line became clear.

"What is the situation?" Heero demanded, pacing to a spot where he could keep an eye on all the entrances of the small building.

"As Duo said earlier, you will be required to disarm a few bombs. The situation is more serious than that, however."

Heero quickly pulled out his headphones and inserted it into the communication device, effectively blocking Quatre's voice from prying ears. He was still cautious - paranoid, if you will - despite the peaceful era that they have entered.

"The Preventers headquarters have been tracking an underground smuggling ring for several months now," Quatre continued, any trace of hesitation hidden from his voice. "The team assigned to this mission - Agent Duceppe's team - have been monitoring their activity for a while and have been preparing to shut it down. It was not until today, when they finally infiltrated the main building, that they found out about the group's true motive. Wide-scale bombs have been deployed to several cities and will be activated simultaneously today at a scheduled time in a five-pronged attack. The target in Malbor is the Wilman Hotel."

Heero's mind instantly registered this information and processed what it could possibly mean. Bombs, terrorist attack, Wilman Hotel, peace conference- His eyes narrowed dangerously as he deciphered the implications.

"The representatives who attended the banquet-?" he started.

"Yes," Quatre replied, his voice artificially calm. "The peace conference would have been the main event of this gathering. Of course, if we cancel it now, the terrorists will realize that we're on to them. That must be strictly avoided."

Of course. If they knew, they may move on with their plan before the designated time, or abandon it altogether. Then there was the option of changing it altogether. Heero understood the need for secrecy.

"And Cobalt's team...?"

"Protection and, if necessary, the rescue of the representatives. The perpetrators must be caught as well."

Insuring the safety of everybody, friend and foe alike; Heero finally understood the need for this specialized team. If it'd been up to him, he'd have just stormed in and taken no prisoners.

"Of course, because of the lack of... resources, the agents and equipment we have available have been spread throughout the teams. Remember, take every precaution."

The Preventers were short on help...

"What about Wufei?" Heero asked before thinking.

Again, Heero was bitterly reminded of how much he'd screwed up. If his partner was here, a situation like this would not have been a problem at all. They would've completed it in no time, like how it'd always been before.

"The chief commander has approved his request for temporary leave due to his injuries," Quatre replied slowly.

That was a lie. Wufei had never asked for a leave. Heero wondered if Quatre was able to delude himself with all these lies in his life. He didn't have enough energy left to wonder more, but he will, later.

"With all your diplomacy, it's a shame that you aren't a politician," Duo interrupted in an amused voice.

Heero detected a slight undertone of agitation in his words; Duo had always hid it well with his boldness, but he was getting an adrenaline rush from the anticipation as well. It seemed that the boy who'd piloted Deathscythe was coming to the fore again. This could be good or bad, depending on how well Duo's learned to control his battle mentality.

"I do what I can," Quatre replied, his voice sounding tight.

Heero didn't have the energy to process this. Why was there always this meaningless conflict?

"Is that all?" he interrupted, ready to switch off the line.

"The detonation time is at 1500 hours," Quatre responded curtly. "Assume that the enemy has already infiltrated the building."

"Roger that," Heero muttered, finally disconnecting.

Quatre's guilt, Duo's frustration - he didn't need any of it. They meant well, but their unnecessary emotions were distracting both Heero and themselves. They were soldiers; they didn't need emotions for this job. And even if his overwhelming self-directed anger was making every cell in his body tense up to the point of spontaneous combustion - well, he couldn't do anything about that. Not right now.

Dismissing everything, Heero returned to the mission with grim acceptance. He was a soldier - he will fight.

(To Be Continued)


End file.
